So What's Next?

There is a story in the New York Times this week about a couple who decided to radically downsize their belongings and simply their lives to an extent that most of us can’t imagine.

They whittled their personal possessions down to 100 items each, got rid of the TV and their cars and now live in a 400 sq. ft. apartment in Portland.  One works at home, the other is finishing graduate school.  (Obviously they have no children who require 1000 pieces of equipment and clothing!)

The article quotes several studies that have found that our mania of “possessing stuff” in this country does not make us happy.   As a de-clutterer, I have personally witnessed the positive psychological effects of a de-cluttered home.  One client was ecstatic with her cleared off countertops and organized kitchen cabinets and found her long lost interest in baking return.

Another self-described “hoarder of family stuff” was delighted to be able to invite six friends over for dinner on the now visible dining room table and not be ashamed for them to see the rest of her home.

Since I’ve moved 5 times in the last 10 years I’ve slowly culled out most of the unnecessary things and have worked hard to resist buying or collecting new things to replace them.  (Except when it comes to books….sigh…)

I recently found a website for Tiny Houses and I’m sort of enthralled.  Here’s a picture of one.  All sorts of folks are “living small”!

Now I’m wondering how far I can go with this.  Unlike some of you, I read the article and thought, “I want to do that!” ( You can read it now if you want to here. )

Then come back please….

For the last year I have contemplated putting all my belongings in storage and becoming a bit of a modern nomad for a year or two.    There are several ways I could do this:

• Find a man with an RV or a sailboat and spend a year on the road or the water…….But that requires finding a man whom I could stand to share a very small space with and I pretty much think that’s not gonna happen.
• Fly to Europe and travel around staying at hostels and monasteries for a year……Not sure of the expense of doing that – requires more research…I’d have to live within my current budget.
• Spend summers here at the lake, move around from my daughter’s to good friends all over the warm South in Winter, and then mooch off the Philadelphia crowd for part of the Spring and Fall.   I  know someone who did this for two years….
• Or I could downsize even more to a very small apartment to use as a home base and use the money I’d be saving on rent to travel a whole lot.  This is actually the most easily accomplished concept but it certainly would be a different lifestyle.
• Or I could build a Tiny House and live at the shore.

  Hmmmm….no more out-of-town and overnight guests;  no more dinner gatherings of 10 – 12 friends;  no more nice, convenient walking community full of great gal pals.  Those might be hard to give up….

But then there is the freedom to explore new places, re-connect with old friends around the country, and write a really interesting blog on my experiences – that’s so tempting and so scary …..

Have any of you considered any sort of plan like this?   Have you tried it for a period of time?     I’d love to hear from you – please leave a comment below.

Meanwhile it would be interesting to check back with the Strobel’s about 5 years from now to see how they’re doing   She’s blogging about their experiment at Rowdy Kittens if you want to follow along – I’ll be reading it regularly for inspiration!

An acquaintance, who is retiring next Friday, asked me during a phone call this morning what for best advice on a successful retirement.  I’ve only met him twice and know little about his personal life or interests beyond his work.

He is concluding a life-long career in the financial field that, by its very nature, has been stressful and demanding.  The first thing I said was, “go home, sit down and enjoy breakfast with your wife, visit the grandchildren and read a good book (not about the stock market!)   He chuckled and replied “that’s just what I had in mind, but then what?”

Here’s my list of the five most important steps:

1.  Take several months or even a year to do exactly what you want.
Enjoy the lack of a demanding schedule and sample a variety of activities.  Even if you still need to work part-time or be a caregiver, practice having some quiet time alone.  Don’t fill all your time just to be busy.

2.  Build your new Tribe.
Spend time with a significant other, visit distant family and re-connect with old friends.  Invite acquaintances you’ve known and liked to coffee or lunch to get to know them better.  Join a couple of groups to meet new people in order to find a few potential good friends.  Get to know your neighbors.

3.  Find a way to matter.
Feeling relevant and needed is a critical ingredient in happiness.  Involvement with family and grandchildren, serving as a mentor or volunteer, or continuing to work in some fashion is important to mental and physical health.

4.  Learn new things.
Science is proving that a healthy brain is an active brain.  Read, take a class, learn a foreign language or master a new sport or a musical instrument.

5.  Most of all – have fun!
Regardless of finances, you can find ways to have fun.  Join activity centers to play with others, travel near or far with a companion, a group or alone;  invite friends and neighbors for pot-luck dinners;  join a choir or theater group; make a childhood dream happen.

Take care of yourself, resist growing “old” and enjoy this third act of life Len!

Emma and her great-grandfather met for the first time a couple of weeks ago and it was a great moment for both of them. Her great-grandpa’s face registered pure joy as he held her on his lap and touched her tiny fingers.

Wiggly tongues made them both laugh!

She returned a sweet smile as her unblinking wide eyes gazed at his face as if she were searching for some deep connection.  It is a curious way she greets new people.   It makes me wonder just what a 5 month old brain is capable of thinking….

They are lucky to have had this encounter and I hope she has the opportunity to know him as she grows up.  I knew my great-grandmother until she died at the age of 96 when I was 12 years old.

I remember being in awe of someone who had grown up in a time of horses and carriages, ice boxes and crank telephones that connected to the Operator.  She lived just a short block away and I would visit often once I was able to make the trip alone.

I would sit by her side and softly touch the incredibly thin, pliable skin on the back of her hand.  It would stand up for a few seconds if you pinched it gently and every vein could be seen through its transparency.

When the news of the first manned space trip to the moon was announced she gave into the 20^th century and asked for a TV set so she could see the event.  At 12, I shared her wonder at the sight of Neil Armstrong’s booted foot stepping onto the moon’s cratered surface.

Seeing that event through her unbelieving eyes helped me appreciate it more.  That was an image that challenged both our imaginations.

I don’t know that Emma will be able to know her great-grandparent as long so I am recording many of his stories and videotaping bits of his life for all my grandchildren to share.

Through that process I’ve realized that a big part of our job as parents and grandparents is to give our kids and grandkids an understanding of what has come before.  My own children grew up far away from our families and never had the opportunity to know either of their grandmothers.    They don’t have the same sense of family background and foundation that I do.

The most wonderful part of these last three summers with my Dad has been the chance to listen to many, many stories of life in the mid 1900’s, to hear about the accomplishments and failures of my ancestors and to gain an understanding of who I am and why I have the traits and talents that I do.

My next winter-time project will be to gather the pictures and stories of our family in one place.   A friend recently showed me an IPhoto book he created in honor of his father that is a perfect way to create a permanent record that future generations will value.  He intermingled short text boxes of family information and stories with a collection of photos he solicited from siblings and cousins.

The templates to create a hard-covered coffee-table type book like his are available from Apple for Mac users and also sites such as Kodak Gallery for PC folks.

Or you can visit a local craft shop to hop on the scrapbooking craze and create an artistic keepsake for your family.   There are classes to help the less artistic folks and an amazing variety of “stuff” (I can’t describe it any other way) to create pages.  Once completed, you could photograph the pages to have a digital image of your history also.

I’m sitting here with tears drying on my cheeks and they are not from sadness.  I’ve been reading archived posts on a blog I found via Twitter this morning.  (That’s what Twitter is good for – finding great websites and blogs, U-tube videos and articles in magazines and newspapers.)

The blog is called The Gypsy Nester; Breaking the Empty Nest Rules.  I’m sure, without having met them, that David and Veronica’s kids are happy and feel loved and supported.  They must since their parents have a practical, healthy and fun attitude about the process of raising children and then letting them go.

Now they are celebrating their empty nest life and by sharing their adventures and day-to-day stories, they are helping all of us appreciate some of the best parts of being Boomers without children. And their observations are hysterical!

I could tell you lots more, but I’d rather you just go read a little for yourself.  I guarantee it will put some laughter into your day!

Their site is at http://www.gypsynester.com      Enjoy! 

I hate the term Baby Boomers.  For a long time I refused to use it in my writing or any marketing for my website.  It’s been way overused.   It is too generic and is used to define too large a group of people.  I am in the very front end group – i.e. born in 1947 and celebrating being a sixty-something.  The bottom of the group is 20 years younger – they were just being born as I was becoming an adult.

We have very little in common at this stage of life.  I have an elderly father (94) and they still have kids in high school and college.  I have accepted aging gracefully (at least I’m trying) while they are still wondering how it will feel to be 50.  I am finally beginning to enjoy some personal freedom from responsibility and a much less stressed out lifestyle.  They are still running from dawn to dusk trying to keep up and working long hours to prove themselves at work.

I bring this up because I have been doing a lot of internet surfing to find new resources to recommend to all of you and I’m noticing a problem in identity for those of us over 50.  The term Seniors has been used to mean anyone over 65 in most cases.   By my rules, an elderly person is over 80.   I’m not sure what to call everyone else.

But the internet works like the Yellow Pages or an encyclopedia.  You have to use the right title or keyword to get the information you are looking for.  We need someone to invent a new name for smart, active, alert interesting and interested folks from 55 – 70. I don’t want to be a Boomer and I’m sure not an Elder.

Which brings me to a cool website I just found.  I really love it – I just don’t like it’s name.   It is called Elder Gadget and it is full of great articles that review products like cameras, tvs, cell phones, bicycles and eyeglasses from the perspective of advantages for older folks who don’t see, hear or balance quite as well as they used to.

Now I don’t consider myself old or an elder in any way, but I do wear reading glasses and my tushie does want the extra-comfy bicycle seat they review.    Check out the site – it has good, valuable consumer information as well as practical gift suggestions for your elderly parents and a selection of games to keep your brain sharp.

Wait until my 9 year old grandson finds out I’m buying a Nintendo DS to play brain games on!   Who knew?   Now will someone please come up with a new handle for us?